In uncertain times, do not worry. Do not fret. Just bury your head in the sand and remember that ignorance is bliss! Happy Thursday.

The Epstein Files are dominating Western news and politics in the U.S. and in Europe. But Africa was not left unscathed in these murky matters.

A few African leaders' names appeared in the files, including Mugabe and Zuma. But to be fair, most of these references were “second-hand, mostly in relation to international deals, name-dropping, and clout chasing. Nothing juicy so far.

$GOOGL ( ▲ 1.43% )

Congo's president, Felix Tshisekedi, just got back from DC, where Trump and US lawmakers gave him pats on the head (good boy) for essentially offering up unlimited access to $24 trillion worth of untapped minerals, in exchange for vague promises of help with the Rwanda-backed rebels that are currently seizing cities in the eastern part of his country.

And back home? People are pissed. Opposition leaders, lawyers, and even the Catholic archbishop are calling him out. One bishop, comparing it to "selling off the minerals of an entire nation to save a regime," said it's sacrificing future generations for Tshisekedi's political survival.

The whole deal is supposedly about getting cobalt and lithium to compete with China, but on the ground in Congo, the rebels are still fighting, the "peace deal" Trump signed isn't holding, and locals are running out of patience.

It's basically handing over the keys to the kingdom while the house is still on fire and getting strategic head rubs from Washington instead of real security and assurances.

The Golden Safety Net - Kenya is officially joining the "Gold Rush" club. The Central Bank of Kenya is starting to buy gold for its national reserves, following a trend seen in other African nations like Ghana and Zimbabwe.

With global currency volatility and debt pressures making everyone a bit jumpy, Kenya is looking for a more stable pillow to rest its head on.

African nations produce a bunch of gold, but most are late in building up their reserves. Big reserves can help with inflation and general economic volatility.

At the same time, the CBK just cut its benchmark interest rate for the 10th straight time, trying to give the local economy a bit of a jolt.

Heineken is axing up to 6,000 jobs, ~ 7% of their workforce, and they're straight-up saying it's "partly" because of AI and digitization, while beer sales dropped 2.4% last year.

Heineken corporate gets to blame "challenging market circumstances" while the CEO admits they're moving 3,000 roles to centralized business services, where AI will handle the work.

They're trying to squeeze out $476-600 million in annual savings to pump into their premium brands, which is hilarious because people are literally drinking less beer, but sure, let's invest in growth. And of course, the outgoing CEO is dropping this bomb, then dipping out in May after six years.

We figured we would do our part to help Heineken get their mojo back and their numbers up. So while we were in the Congo, filling our pockets with rare minerals, we paused for a drink.

We didn’t ask for our regular Heineken, but instead we opted for Savanna Cider. It is a Heineken brand, and it was so lovely and delicious. It was crisp, cold, and refreshing! And believe it or not, cider is gaining in popularity across the continent.

Till next time,

Chop Team